Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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