Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
they're like a gay fantastic four
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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