Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
