I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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