We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
