if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
