so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
