the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize