The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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