Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
