I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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