yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
