Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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