Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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