he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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