i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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