you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
