Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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