Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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