you have to choose: penises or morals?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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