There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
