I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
