she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize