Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
