Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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