Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
