there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did i walk over a car last night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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