And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
