the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
