Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
