I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
