Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
