So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
