my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize