goodnight i made you a song goodbye
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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