I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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