Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
