dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
