Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
