Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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