btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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