wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
