dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
