i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
