Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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