i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
