I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
