I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
