I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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