There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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