My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
