Apparently you make a good broom.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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