Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
