You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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