and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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