Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
