We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
