you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize