My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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