you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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