Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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