I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
