The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
