I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
