**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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