Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
