also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
