You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I need a beard to bite.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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