There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
