Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
