no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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