it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
