Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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