She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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