You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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