Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
