Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
