You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize