i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
