Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
