I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
