Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
