So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
