She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Text me some of your sweat
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