I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
