I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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